On the road to happiness
by SaraSidleGrissom08-KutostoGil
Summary: It takes a tragic event for Sara to open Grissom's eyes to see the beauty before him but will she take him after the loss she has endured. Rated M for a reason / of course it me. Smut. Now start the smut Chapter 4 Chapter 5 is now up
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is our first attempted at a story together. We would love to hear what you think We don't own Csi or the actors. If we did then Grissom and Sara would have been together along time ago . Please don't sue us we just like to play with them. This story is not Beta so all mistakes are ours.

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Chapter 1

It was a nice evening, The wind in my hair, the smell of my new boyfriends leather jacket. It was perfect . Dave dropped me off and gave me a kiss then told me to call him later and he would pick me up after work. I cant wait to see him later.

I was in the break room telling the guys about Dave and how much I loved to ride on his Harley and I think he is the one. I was in the middle of telling the guys all about our few days together when Grissom walked in.

"_I cant believe this, She has a new boyfriend. She laughing it up and all I can think about is her. He's probably tall, dark and handsome. Someone she need to start a life with. She doesn't need me, but how do I let her go when I never had her. Hell it probably for the best." _He thought as he started with the assignments.

"Catherine and Warrick you got a 419 in an alley behind the Bellagio, it's possibly a homeless male. Brass is there waiting for you.

" Nick and Sara you have a motor vehicle accident with a fatality. Take Greg with you, he need the experience." He threw the slips on the table and stormed out of the room.

"_Well that went well. What did he expect me to wait forever for him? Well it's to late now Grissom, you lost your chance!" _She huffed out of the room grabbing the slip. She yelled over her Shoulder. "I'm driving you guys coming?"

Nick and Greg look at each other. "What's with her?" Questioned Nick.

"I don't know, I guess we'll find out soon enough." Greg said as he bounced out of the room.

Soon they were on the way to the scene. The tension was so thick you needed a knife to cut though it.

"So Sara, What's was with the looks when Grissom walked in? You where all happy then Grissom looked at you then you just clamed up." Nick asked not sure she would say any thing.

"Yeah what's up Sara." Greg said as he lean forward the see what she might say.

"I would rather not talk about it guys, please its personal" I said.

They both let it drop. But they new something was up when she was so quite.

We arrived at the scene and I jumped out of the truck. The guys were shocked to see what was bothering me at the lab, was out of sight out of mind. I didn't want to think about Gil Grissom at this moment.

I called to the guys "Are you guys coming or am I doing this alone!

"YES MAM" They yell in unison.

We met with Vartan; he took us towards the scene.

I seen the body covered in a sheet. Then I noticed the motorcycle and thought._ "There must be dozens of those around."_

Then I pulled up the sheet to see David's lying there covered in blood.

"**NOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD NOOOOOO!**" I fell to the ground I couldn't believe that Dave was gone!?

"NO this can't be happening! It just not fair" As I sobbed uncontrollably.

Nick ran to my side. "Sara, what's wrong? What is it Honey? Greg, get over here now!"

"What is it? What going on?" Greg said as her run up to her.

"Grab her. She going to hurl and we don't what her contaminating the scene."

They both walk her over to the curb away from the crime tape. Greg hurried and grabbed a bottle of water as Nick helped her with her hair. She emptied her stomach in to a trash can on the side walk.

"Come on honey calm down tell what's going on. Is that David? Oh no that it, isn't it, it's your boyfriend?"

"Yes it is Nick oh my GOD" I said with a breaking heart.

"Sara honey you can't work this case I am calling Grissom he has to come and get you"

He open his cell hitting speed dial 3 for Grissom.

"Grissom " He barked into the phone.

"Hey its Nick, Griss, can you come out to the crime scene?"

"Why Nick, is there something wrong? " He said with a uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Do I here Sara crying?"

"The DB is Sara's boyfriend. It not good Grissom She not able to keep anything down. She a wreck would you please come get her She need to get out of here."

"NO NICKY Please I have to be here with him" I said with the hope he would let me stay.

Nick Held me close while my tears ran down his shirt. "No Sara you can be here, Griss are you coming?"

"I'll be that as soon as possible Nick. Don't let Sara near the scene, And Nick?"

"Yes Griss?"

"Hold her tight tell I get there."

"Will do." As Nick snapped his phone shut. "Grissom is on his way."

I just sat there and shook my head and kept crying. "Why did this happen Nick, haven't I been punished enough in my life?"

"Honey you cant blame your self, accidents happen all the time. It not your fault." He tried to console me.

Back at the lab Grissom was racing around looking for his keys. Once he found them he ran to the truck and jumped in._" Oh god why this have to happen, she been through so much in her life. I thought ill of this boyfriend but I didn't want her hurt in the process. She going to need a friend right now. That's it Gil Time to buck up a be that friend she need. Put her need before your"._

He drove as fast as he could but with the accident he couldn't get there without using his light. He blared his sirens and they made a path for him to get through. Jumping from his truck he searched for them in the crowd. Finally spotting them crouched down by the curb he ran to them.

Greg was there to tell him to go easy on her. " Please Grissom don't upset her any more then she already she is."

Encoring the young Csi he push through him and knelt down so he could grab her hand so she new he was there. She flinched and he felt it so he stop and made her look at him.

"Sara honey, look at me." She slowly moved her head to look at him and it almost broke his heart. She look like she was scared of him. "Come on let me take you home. Then we can talk, Ok?"

It was like she was looking right passed him and she didn't know what to do.

"Come honey let go" He pulled her up and she just fell in to his arms. "Nick you and Greg go finish the scene and I'll take care of her."

"Ok. Sara, I'll come check on you later, try to relax ok honey?"

I just shook my head and Grissom walked me to his truck. Greg yelled something at me and I shook my head.

Grissom open the door and I just fell into the seat. It was going to be a long night.

**Please tell us what you think. Thanks**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here another Chapter for you. I see we have a lot of hit but not many review. Please tell us what you think even if it just to say Hi. We strive on what you think and love to hear form you. Thank you.

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**Chapter 2**

Grissom took me home; he knew I was a mess, seeing my boyfriend lying dead on the ground after just dropping me off at work.

We arrived at my apartment; he looked at me but didn't say anything.

"You don't have to come up. I'll be fine" I told him with a lopsided smile.

"Would it be ok if I came with you? I'd like to make sure your going to ok" He said but was unsure she would let him. He hoped he could talk to her some more.

"Sure besides I really didn't want to be alone" I said walking up the steps to my apartment door.

I took my key out and my hands were shaking so bad I dropped them on the floor. He picked them up and my hand reach for them brushing against his. He pulled his back.

"Here let me open the door for you, your hands seem to be a little shaky right this second." he said as he unlocked the door and allowed me to enter first.

Once inside, he entered but wouldn't walk to far away from the door.

"_Im not sure what I should tell her. She just lost her boyfriends, what can I say to that. I don't even know how long they have been dating. I should kick myself for that. No you're here for her, not yourself. Now what?"_

"Griss what's wrong? Why are you standing at the door still?" I asked him with some confusion.

"I was waiting for you to welcome me in." He went and sat on the couch.

"Would you like something to drink? I asked

"Bottled water would be great thanks." He sat there waiting for the water.

As I returned with the water he thanked me and I sat at the other end of the couch.

"Would you like to talk about what happen?" He asked. "You can talk to me. We use to talk all the time."

"I know Gil, what happened to us we were always so close and everything fell apart?" I asked

"I don't know we just drifted away. Then my work got in the way and you…. I don't know, you…"

"I started seeing Dave about a month ago. He was a sweet heart, we would walk hand and hand through the park. We'd go to dinner, and then ride on his bike. But now it's all been taken away. It's not fair!" I said, beginning to cry again.

"Shh honey." _I don't know what to say to her with out make her feel worse._

"Griss, it's just not fair. What ever I love, either doesn't want me or is taken away. Life is getting hard to live anymore!" I said continuing to cry

"Don't say that. Sara, I never meant to hurt you. I just don't know what to do about this. Im sorry I... Maybe I better go. I don't think me being here is helping you. Im sorry honey." He said scrambling to get off the couch.

He reached the door but he stop. He raked his finger through his he hair. "Honey I don't want to leave you like this. I wanted to come here as a friend, tell me what you want."

"Gil please don't leave, I am sorry if I upset you but tonight it isn't my night. I apologize, I don't want to lose you too. I couldn't take two loses in one night." I sniffed and dropped my head in hope he wouldn't leave.

He moves back towards me on the couch, took my hand in his.

"Sara, you won't lose me. I'll be here anytime you need me as a friend. I don't know how to be anymore then that right now."

"That's what I need right now is a friend." I said sarcastically.

"Sara, um... I don't want to lose that. Your friendship means the world to me, more then anyone. I won't run from that."

"Right like you haven't in the past. Grissom, ok you win. Friends? I said knowing that is not all I want from him but if that's what he is willing to give me then that's what I have to accept for now.

"Friends forever, now come here and I will stay for awhile until you feel you can sleep." As he reached to me for a friendly hug.

I relaxed so much I fell asleep and when I woke up he was gone I didn't even know when he left but I found a note.

_Catherine called I was needed at the lab_.

_Gil_

I didn't get to thank him for staying with me. I went to bed and slept a few more hours. I woke to my phone ranging.

"Sidle." I said groggily.

"Hi, it's Grissom"

"When did you leave?"

"Few hours ago. Um I need you to do something."

"Um yeah I guess. What is it?"

"Nick needs you to come in and identify David's body. It seems he didn't have any family. Im sorry Sara I didn't want this to happen."

"Oh ok will you go in with me, please, I'm not sure I can face it alone. It was hard enough seeing him lying on the ground but in the morgue, that will be much harder" I said to him pleading to do this with me.

"Yes I can do that." _I don't want to see her break down over another man. It hard enough knowing she was with another man but I said I'll be there for her as a friend and that's what I'll do. I just don't like it. _"Come find me when you get here, I have paper work so I should be in my office. Ok?"

Ok I'll be there as soon as possible oh and Griss thanks." I said then disconnecting the call and grabbing my jacket. it was a cool night.

_I can't believe Im doing this. She means so much to me. I should make Nicky do this. He's much more of a friend to her then I am. I don't deserve her as a friend. She needs someone younger then me. But she is in all my dreams. Stop it Gil, You're her friend that what you said, you will be there for her. _ He thought as he tries to focus on the pile of paper work.

It wasn't helping him it just seemed the more he tries to work the more Sara popped into his mind. She was there all the time and he didn't know what to do about it. He knew he was too old, too set in his way and she may not even want him anymore. Brass told him on more then one occasion that he need to pull his head out of his ass and to do something about it. Catherine has also told him he needed to pull his head out of the microscope and see what was going on around him. Life didn't stop and families where being made without him. That wasn't what he wanted to hear because that meant he was just bond to be alone. That's it, a lonely old man with nothing to show for it. No one to share his life with, no one to pass anything down to, No one. He didn't know when he grew old but the more he thought about the older he was becoming.

"I can't believe he has no family, he was just like me which is really sad. I know personally from experience. Well at least he was happy before he passed. I made him happy _and Dave if you can hear me from up in HEAVEN I loved you with all my heart._ I better get going, no since putting it off any longer than necessary.

I arrived at the lab and went directly to Grissom office.

I stood there looking at him doing his paperwork "_why doesn't he want me the way I want him. Is there something wrong with me, I don't understand why?"_ I give up staring. I walk in the office

"Hey, I am here, you told me to meet you here."

"Hi, How are you holding up?" he asked

"I'm making it is all I can say. I just can't believe it, Griss one night you are with them and BAM they are taken away. It's not fair. He was young like me and never got to live a full life GOD GRISS why?" I said and started to cry again

_Shit this harder then I ever thought possible._ "I'm Sorry Sara, If you want to wait and do this, Im sure he not going anywhere. Maybe you need more time? Im sure Al won't mind if he waits a few more hours before he releases the body. The county has resumed all rights, unless you want to do that yourself? It's up to you." He said in hope she wouldn't take that responsibly.

_Please Sara, don't do this to your self. I don't know if you can handle all that. I don't know if I can handle you burying another man who you loved and I did nothing to hold your love. God don't make me go though this. Please. _

"Griss I don't think I can take responsibility for his body. It would be too painful. I can't do it. Let the county take care of it, the sooner the better. Are you ready Griss? Let's get this over with so I can try to move on with my life" I said and we both left his office and headed down to the morgue.

Grissom let a sigh of relief out. He just knew he couldn't watch her cry over a man that wasn't him. Now all he had to do was get through her crying in the morgue. It just was for a few more minute and then he could maybe get through it all, He hoped. _"She said she wanted to move on with her life. What life would that be, did it include me? I don't want to push; I need to let her morn for him but Im selfish. I just want to hold her. Would it be too soon? Yes; it would be. Im such an ass. I want her with me, Im too old for her. She needs some young. I don't know what to do._

"Ok honey, Let me just lock my office. Would you like to get some thing to eat? Maybe I should wait and see how this goes first." He wanted to retract his statement, but there it was, out in the open. He mentally kicked himself for his rude behavior,

I'm not sure if I'll be in the mood to eat after this Griss, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I come across rude but let's see what happens in the morgue and take it from there ok." I said.

"I shouldn't have asked, Im sorry." He said as he put his hand on the small of my back.

We walked down towards the elevator and went down stairs to the morgue. Doc Robbins was in there and walked up to me giving me a hug

"Hello Sara, I'm sorry for your loss. If there was any other way I would have done it but he has no living relatives so I was forced to call you." I smiled

"It's ok doc, you had to do what you had to do, I understand." I gave a small smile as he pulled back the sheet.

I started crying. "Yes that's him, that's Dave Williams. I gotta go."

I raced out of the morgue. It was too much to handle seeing David lying there. Seeing him all bruised and broken. It was him, but it wasn't the man I was falling in love with. That person was gone, gone for good and I would never see him again.

I stopped and slid down the wall sobbing uncontrollable. I don't know how long I was there; I don't remember when Grissom came up to sit beside me, holding me. It felt good but it felt wrong some how. I didn't want it to feel wrong. I wanted it to right. But it wasn't. I know he's there why do I feel these feeling. All I have ever wanted was Him and he is here and I just want him to stop holding me.

"Grissom, I don't need you to hold me Im ok really. I just need a little time to myself, please."

"Ok Sara. I'll talk to Al and when you're ready I'll take you home, if you want me too." He said with hope she let him.

Why am I felling this is wrong, him holding me, It's always what I wanted. But I have to remember it's only a friendly hug, no love involved. Doesn't he realize this hurts more when he shows affection to me? I want love too, but he is unwilling to give it. Maybe I better get Nick to take me home. I am not sure I can take anymore of Grissom and his _friendly_ affection tonight. Maybe I will just head home myself and try to clear my head of these confused feeling I'm having from Grissom.

I pulled myself up from the floor. I just wanted to get away from here, and away from Grissom. I ran down the hall, back up the stairs, and out to my car. I drove straight home. I just needed a hot shower. Then I can let myself break down, and let the water wash away my hurt.

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**Please tell what you think**.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here is the next Chapter. We do not own the Group **Three Days Grace **or the song ** Never Too Late** please don't not Sue us. This is not beta so all mistakes are ours. Sorry if there are.

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**Chapter 3**

Grissom talked to Al about the county could go ahead with the releasing of the body.

"Sara didn't want to deal with that part of it. I don't think she could handle it. She really didn't know him all that long."

"Are you keeping tabs on her relationship Gil?" AL said just to see if he could get some information about him and Sara. "You know she always had eyes for you."

"I just know what she told me. I had to take her home last from the scene, and before you say some thing else, to her apartment. Nick called me and she was a wreck." He said.

"You don't have to convince me Gil. But words of advice, go slow with her. She needs you for support right now, and she may misunderstand your support and compassion for her, as your duty as her superior. Be easy on her." Al informed him.

"I just don't want her hurt, or me for that matter. Thanks Doc." He said as he walked out.

He walked out the room and start towards where she was, when he realized she was gone.

_Shit where she go. Maybe she went upstairs._

He ran up the stairs when he ran into Nick.

"Hey where the fire boss" Nick asked

"Have you seen Sara? She was here to identify David's and when I talk to Doc she must have took off." Grissom said a little out of breath.

"No, But I just got back from my B&E, sorry." Nick stated.

"If you see her will you tell her Im looking for her?" As he turned and walked down to the break room.

"Sure thing Boss" Nick said as he went on his way.

Reaching the Break room he didn't' see her. He grabbed his cell phone and tried to call her.

"Come on Sara pick up Pick up. Damn where is she." He went in search for her car but it wasn't there. So he jumped in his car and drove over to her apartment.

He reached the door and he didn't hear anything. _Maybe she asleep, but I saw her lights were on. What if Im intruding? I have to know if she ok. I'll just knock and see._ He knock but she didn't answer but he knew she was in there. He heard something rattling around.

"Sara? Please let me in." With another knock," Please honey talk to me."

"No Grissom, go away. I need to be alone, go back to the lab where you are needed. I can't handle anymore heartbreak tonight!" I said trying to get him to leave.

"Sara, Honey let me in. I don't understand, did I do something wrong?" Misunderstanding why she was so upset at him.

I opened the door and started talking to him standing there.

"Grissom of course you can't understand. I bet you have never really loved someone so bad it made you hurt, have you? Right now your affection hurts more than it helps so please just go away." I said as I started to close the door.

Grissom stepped back to let her close it. He didn't want over step his bounds. He placed his hand on the door as if he was touching her. He heard her cry then she slide down the door. He crouched down to where he thought she is and placed his hand there. "_Im sorry Sara, I wish I could tell you how I feel but I know it's too soon, God Sara I love you, even if I say it will be all right I still hear you say you want to end it all. Maybe we can turn this all around. It not too late, it's never too late."_ He thought just holding the door.

He sat there for another ten minutes listening to her cry and to his own heart breaking. He reached into his pocket for a pen and a paper, scribbled some thing on the paper and gently placed it to the floor then slide it under. He placed the pen back into his pocket. He replaced his hand on the door one more time then turned and walked away.

I saw a paper slowly being pushed under the door. I knew it was Grisssom because I felt him on the other side of the door, He never left. I reached for the paper and I heard him walk away. I was shaking when I opened it.

_Sara, if you ever need me I will be here for you. All you have to do is ask. Its never too late, Honey. I want you know, Im here for you as a friend Not as your boss. You mean more to me the just an employee. When you are ready we can talk._

_Gil. Your friend._

"Why can't he understand he is hurting me more than he is helping me? He has to know I have wanted him for so long, why is he holding back from me? I feel like just leaving going back to San Francisco, but where would that take me? He would probably be calling on a regular basis and beside what is there to talk about with him and why all the sudden is he calling me honey?" I said now more confused than ever

I didn't feel like sleeping for awhile so I turn on my radio. I thought some music may calm me down. I went to the fridge for a beer, thinking I needed something to drown my sorrows. This song came on I really didn't like Three Days Grace but this song hit me. I sat on the couch and listened to it. "Are my ears playing tricks on me? I just heard them sing it's never too late. It can't be. So I turn up the volume to the stereo. I had to hear it again:

In his car, Grissom was listening to same song. He didn't really listen to too much rock any more, but there wasn't anything else on in the middle of the night. This just seems to fit his mood. When the song went in to its course line, he had to turn up the volume:

**Three Days Grace**

**Never Too Late lyrics**

_This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong  
Who would have guessed it  
I will not leave alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late_

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late_

_No one will ever see  
This side reflected  
And if there's something wrong  
Who would have guessed it  
And I have left alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like  
It's not too late  
It's never too late_

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late_

_The world we knew  
Won't come back  
The time we've lost  
Can't get back  
The life we had  
Won't be ours again_

_This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong_

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late (It's never too late)  
It's not too late  
It's never too late_

When the song was over I had the note Grissom had slipped under the door. I held it and reread it over and over especially one part in particular: _All you have to do is ask. It's never too late, Honey_

Grissom thought over and over. That's right it's never too late. The time is now to start to get it right. He just hoped Sara would let him make it up to her.

"Oh my GOD what have I done. Grissom's trying to open up to me and I pushed him away, I have to call him, I have to talk to him." I picked up my cell and hit speed dial 1 it was ringing "Gil please pick up please"

He didn't answer, his phone battery was dead.

"On no, I may have just screwed up everything. I have to get a hold of him, since his phone automatically goes to voice mail, probably because his phone is dead. There's only one way to do this, I have to get in the car and go find him myself. Grissom where would you go? Please be sitting in the parking lot. GOD I need you now!"

I reached for my keys on the table and grabbed my wallet; I didn't feel like messing with my purse. I needed to go find him. I didn't know he was hurting inside too GOD help me find him.

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**Please Let us know how we are doing. **


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Ok we have a lot of review and we sure do appreciate them. Im going to Say once again we do not have a beta so yes there are mistakes and we are sorry. All though we try very hard to correct them some do slip by us. This Chapter is a** BIG SMUT WARNING**. If you do not like this kind of stuff please be far warned

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**Chapter 4**

A half hour later he drove up into the drive. He really needed some sleep. It had been a long night but the couples of hour of sleep in the car just made him stiff and sore. He opened the door and heard his answering machine beeping. He thought just for a minute he could at least charge up his cell phone before he checked the messages. He set his keys down, plugged in his phone and retrieved bottled water for the fridge.

He moved over to the phone and played back his messages. One from Catherine saying she solve the 419 and her and Warrick where going home, and to check his cell phone. It must be dead again. She said he needed a new battery for it. The second from Ecklie want the evaluations by the end of the week. The third one was from Brass wanting to know if they could grab dinner later, and to check his phone all so." What is it with everyone and my phone? Ok Ok I give I'll pick up a new battery tonight before work"

The last call was from Sara. "Hi Gil it's me, I tried to call your cell phone, it must be dead. I went driving around looking for you but I couldn't find. Please, when you get the message, could you call me…..? I need you."

"What she need me, Shit I should have never went out to the lake. Oh God I hope she ok." He picked up the phone and called her.

"Gil where have you been, I been trying to find you? I been sitting here worrying I need to talk with you as soon as possible. You can come over before work tonight?" I asked hoping he would come over sooner.

I... um... took are ride I guess I lost track of time. My cell battery won't hold a charge. I better get a new one. Im sorry I just thought you didn't want to talk to me. Is there something you need? He asks in hope it was him she needed.

"Yes there is something I need very much. I'm on the phone with him, can you come over please? Gil I really need to talk with you." I said hoping he would come over as soon as possible.

"Im on my way, I'll see you say in 20 min." He hung the phone up.

He hurried in to the bathroom to clean up a little then off to his closet for a fresh change of cloths. He wasn't sure what to make of this last phone call. "One minute she kicking me out now she need to talk with me. Well here I go."

He drove back to her place, in hopes she was all right. Once he reached the door he lightly taped on the door not knowing what was in store for him. She opened the door with a small smile. He returned it, and walked in the door, then waited as she tried to work up what's she wanted to talk about.

"Gil that note, you wrote and slipped under my door, what do you mean about it's never too late that I mean more to you than an employee? Tell me what is going on in that heart of yours please Gil?"

"Um you do mean more to me then an employee. Um what do you think it mean when I say it's not too late?" He said nervously. He didn't know what to say. He knew not to push to hard, Al's words echoed in his head,"_ She needs you for support right now, and she may misunderstand your support and compassion for her, as your duty as her superior. Be easy on her."_

"Well I would hope you were referring to us but I know better than that since my luck hasn't been so hot lately. Tell me Gil what does it mean" as I stood there hoping he would say the words I so wanted to hear.

He ran his hands through his hair, and walk over to the couch. "Please Sara Come sit down with me." He said.

"What's wrong Gil did I say something to upset you? If I did I apologize, please tell me." I sat on the couch near him waiting for him to talk to me and let me know what he is feeling. I hope I didn't miss interpret this, please if there is one thing I have always wanted was for him to love and cherish me.

He sat on the couch and turn to me." Sara, its means that I care for you deeply. You're the one person I don't want to hurt and it seems like every time I try not hurting you I seem to do that. It not my intention to do that. Sara, it hard for me to tell you what Im feeling. I want…….

"Gil, why is it so hard for you to tell me what you want? If I meant that much to you, it would come out easily. You know what; maybe I'm just wasting my time on this maybe you should just go." As I turned and started to get up.

He grabbed her hand before she started get off the couch. He pulled her to him and his lips crushed to her's. The kiss was urgent. It wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to slow down and enjoyed it. He pulled her close and slide his hand up to cup her face. He stopped to see what she would say.

"Wow Gil I wasn't expecting that. Where did that come from? Don't get me wrong I enjoyed it, but I'm shocked you did it!" I can't believe he did that wow what do I do next I guess I will sit next to him.

"You know I've always wanted to do that." He said some what embarrassed.

"I …um... Don't know what to say here. Sara, I don't know if you were ready, but I don't want to hurt you anymore.

"Gil I don't want you to hurt me either. Are you sure you are ready for this and be truthful Gil please do you want me?"

"Sara, I have always wanted you. I just don't know what to do about this. Honey I don't want to push you. Is it too soon with, well you did love David? Im not sure I could handle the rejection if it is. Im not good with these emotions I have for you. Im not sure what to do." He said with hope he didn't cross that line.

"Griss it's not too soon. I have wanted you since the Forensics Academy Conference. The love I had for David was not as strong as the love I have for you. He was a distraction because I needed to try to get my mind off loving you. As long as I know you want me too, I'm happy."

He moved so he was closer to me. "Do you need a distraction now, because I don't know if you stop if I could? I shook my head no. His eye's darkened and his and breath was hot on my face.

He touched my face. He was nervous I could tell. Hell Im nervous." Sara, you're so pretty and soft." He brushed my hair back behind my ear. Hell with it." His lips softly kissed me. It was slow and more full of life. His tongue touched my lips and run along the bottom. His was asking for entry, I let him. Our tongue's dueled for dominance. I think he won because I was the first to break for air. He pulled me in to his embrace." God Sara Im sorry I waited so long to do that." His hand slowly rubbed my back. I was speechless. I think he took my breath away. I knew it would but never like that. Never have I dreamt it that way.

He pulled me back and put his head on my fore head."Sara Im scared. I don't want to do anything you don't want me too. "Im Scared to move to fast."

Gil don't stop now, it feels too good to stop. It's taken to long to get to this point so please don't stop.

With a shaky hand he pulled her to him. The need to be with her was all most to much to bear for him. He wanted her and there was no stopping him now. He had to touch her skin, feel the smoothness of it between his fingers. He pulled her t-shirt up slowly at the back and his hand snaked up to feel the heat under the tip. His lips sought hers out again and this time with an urgency of having them to his. Soft yet so moist, her tongue finding his was like they were meant to be together.

I felt like I was in a dream. I let a moan escape "Ohm GIL" He didn't stop in fact I think it egged him on. His hands were roaming over my back and the next thing I knew my bra was coming undone. I had to feel his beard so I drew up my hand slowly to his face. It was smooth and if felt right. My other hand reached up behind his head to play with the curls. I felt myself being pulled down over his body. I let him. I felt him settle down and then I had to work on his shirt. The need to feel his skin was overwhelming. I pulled from his kiss and the look on his face was of one uncertainty. I smiled and grabbed his shirt and pulled it from his pant. He smiled and he rose up enough to help pull it out. I worked on the buttons. I saw his face full of desire, not one I have seen before. I just wanted to take this to my bedroom. My couch wasn't very comfortable. I was a little worry that he may stop if I asked him to my bedroom, but I had to try. "We could take this to my bed if you would like? This couch is a little small and uncomfortable" I hope he wouldn't run.

He sat up and grabbed my hand. "Lead the way honey" I rose and let him stand. He wrapped his hand around my back to the front and he pulled close. I could feel his erection pressing to my ass. It felt larger then I have ever felt before. It scared me a little but I would have to find out soon. I walked towards my bedroom and he never let go. He kissed my neck and I almost forgot were it was. I hurried as fast as I could. Once inside, I turned in his arms and he guided me to the bed. I felt the bed hit the back of my legs. He lowered me to it. I felt the bed give to his weight. He pushed me up the bed and he followed. Leaning up on his side, he pulled my shirt up. His hands placed flat on my stomach, he let then traveled up to my breast. He leaned down, placing my right nipple in his mouth. He sucked and pulled with his teeth sending a warm sensation down my body.

This was driving me mad with passion. I needed to feel his chest, so I reached with my left hand to pull back the opening of his shirt and slide my hand under the flap. I felt his tight muscles of his pecks. His nipples stood out and his chest was bare of hair. It was electrifying to the touch. The heat was radiating from him. "Take off your shirt please, I want to see and touch you."

He rolled up and threw his shirt to the ground. At the same time I pulled my shirt off and tossed it in the other direction. I then reached for my top button of my pants to loosen it. He seen this and stop my hand from going farther. I thought at that moment he was having regrets, but much to my surprise he said. "Let me please I want to be the one to undress you. I want to discover your body for myself, please. I need this Sara, I need you." I stop my hand and moved it back to his chest. I laid there and watched him slowly undressing me. _"I can't believe this happening after all this time. Him being here like this, with me, undressing me with his eyes and now with his hands. If I died right here and now I would be a very happy woman. But please don't take me yet, I have to feel him inside me first before you take me." _I thought.

As he undressed her, he couldn't get enough of the site of her. This long awaited moment was his for the taken. Such beauty and just as soft as he dreamt, if not more so. He pulled at the button of her pants then the zipper. He rolled to his knees then placing his hand along her sides of her hips, and then pulling down her pant he pulled then off. Leaving behind her thong, Black lace against her soft skin was all most to much to handle. His ever growing erection was too much to handle in his own pants. He needed to rid himself of the offending material, to give himself more room to grow. With that thought he stood and pulled them off and all was left was the boxers. He saw the look in Sara eyes, one of excitement or sheer terror; he wasn't to sure which one it was. "Are you alright Sara?" He asked

"Oh Yes never better" She said with much excitement.

He grins and lowers his self back to the bed. He placed kisses to her lips and like hunger man look for his next meal; he dipped his head to her neck. He sucked lightly on her collar bone, tasting her soft sent of vanilla. He slowly licked down to her left nipple, spending time to bring it to a peak. He slowly rubbed his hand down her stomach to her mound. He followed his tongue across her body to her thigh. Smelling her arousal made his cock ache to be inside her. He didn't want to just waste the moment to a fast ejaculation, he wanted to pleasure her. With his left hand he pulled her thong to the side and dipped his finger into her most heat.

With a sharp intake of air I felt him enter a finger in to my sex. Oh my God I never have been more aroused at this moment, it's the best feeling in the world. He then moved his tongue to my opening and flicked it a few time. I let out a satisfying moan, "Oh Gil YESS that's it right there YESS" I felt him smile the he move his fingers inside me. I didn't know how long I would last but at that moment I didn't care. This feels so right. He pumped me and I was building up a rhythms "YES THAT'S IT" I heard him say "Come for me, that's it. Your are so wet COME FOR ME Sarrrraaaaa" He said more with a hiss. Oh My My My that's it right there . I rocked and I felt all my muscles tighten in my stomach And I exploded and rode the waves after waves of ecstasy "_OH My God what this man can do to me_" I thought while riding another wave.

He looked over to me and I could see there was a question he was waiting to ask. I knew it was about birth control. I It didn't want wait any longer or make him suffer. "Birth control? Is that what you are thinking?" And like he lost his breath he said"Yes" I told him I was on the pill. "Are you sure, because we can wait, Im clean I haven't been with a woman for a very long time and I just want it to be right." He said quite nervously.

"I know you are and Im haven't been with anyone since Collage"

"But I thought you and David?" "Gil I new from the moment I met you there would never be someone to take the place of you. David and I never got to that point."

Now this worried him a little bit. He was afraid he wouldn't stand up to the expectation for her. She watched his face go from excitement to scared in an second. "Gil what's wrong?" "I um I don't want to disappoint you." Gil you won't now please I need you!"

He didn't need a second thought. He pulled down her thong and reached for his boxers and removed them and stood waiting to see the look on her face. She had smiled wide and as if that was the only smile he had ever seen on her.

He stood up in front on me and I saw his girth for the first time. He was quit well in doubt. I smiled knowing he was going to fill me and then some. "WOW that is big" I thought to myself. He lean back down and I felt him slide his knees to push apart my thighs. He leaned down to kiss me as if he asked me to enter. I kissed him back and I felt him place the head of his dick to my opening. I shook my head and he slowly and gently enter me. I felt myself relax the more he pushed into me. I closed my eyes to feel him only for him take a hold of my face." Look at me Sara please. Am I hurting you" I just shook my head no, and then wrapped my legs around his waist. That spurred him. He began to move. It was slow but a steady rhythm started. I moan his name" Oh yes GILL OH yes that it babe"

"Oh Sara Yess You feel so damn good. Yesssssss" The rhythm picked up and as hard as he tried, he was starting to lose all control. " OHHHH Sara Cum Babe Please I'm going to Cum" "Yes GILL OH Im CUMMMMMINNNNGG" She Screamed with all of her might. "OH YESSSS SARA YESSSSSSS IM SO CLOSE" And as if the whole world stopped just for them he coated he inside with his Hot, Wet, Cum. He held on to the sheet to steady him self as this world just came crashing down all around him. Slowly trying to catch his breath, did he look at her. She looked like a beauty queen to him. He placed soft feathery kiss to her forehead. Only after she looked back did he slowly roll off her body only trying to stop his weight from crushing her. Once on his side did he pull her to him and held her tight.

"I love you Gil" I said looking in his eyes and seeing the look of love in them for the first time I never thought I could ever break through his barrier but I did and if felt wonderful.

He smiled at her and pulled her to him then falling into a reatful sleep It had been a long few days.

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	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. We had to make some changes in this chapter.(well a lot.) It took us a while to get the right feeling into the story.We apologize for the long wait. We our trying to keep the flow going but sometimes we have to slow down to move forwards. Thanks to all the review you have left we really do read them all.Thankyou

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**Chapter 5**

Gil woke up and seen Sara wasn't awake. He laid next to her, not real sure what to do next. He knew he liked the feel of her next to him and their love making was more then he thought possible. That part was wonderful, but he had to think about the out come. They crossed that line. Now what do they do about it? Ecklie would have a hay day with this. He knew he wanted to keep thing simple. He also knew it would be complicated. He worried for both of them. Their jobs were on the line here. Maybe he could just save this part to them selves. But she looked so peaceful lying next to him, He knew he needed to get up and head home. He needed a shower before work. _"Wait Brass wanted to go to dinner. Shit, I have about 3 hour before work, I could make it home for a quick shower call Jim back, hurried to the store for a cell battery and I should be able to grab a quick bite to eat. But what do I do about Sara; I don't want her to think I just loved her and left her._

He started to crawl out of bed when she felt him move. He didn't know what to do. He sat there a little and she seemed to fall back to sleep. He didn't want to leave her but he needed to think.

He slowly sat up, when she didn't move; he found his clothes and threw them on. He didn't think about what Sara may think after he left. He just want some time think, He needed time to think.

He made to the townhouse and slipped in the shower before he called Brass. He told him to meet him at the favorite place and he was sorry about last night, that yes he was going to get a new battery on his way over. He then would see him in 30 minutes.

Mean while Sara was waking up.

"I should have known he wouldn't be here when I woke up. He ran, I can't believe he left without even saying goodbye." I lay back down and started crying, I couldn't stop. "He doesn't love me, it was all a lie I think I will call into work tonight. I don't feel like facing the heartbreaker tonight two broken hearts in one night, I can't take much more."

I reached for my cell phone and called Catherine "hello Catherine" I said and she answered "Sara are you ok I know this has to be tuff on you honey" said Catherine "well I am not feeling to well I don't think I can make it in tonight" I need some time at home to clear my head

Ok I will let Gil know. Why you didn't call him?" Cath asked

"Well I wasn't sure if he would understand or not, I knew you would."

"Ok Sara if you need anyone to talk to you call me, ok honey? No matter when, I am here for you ok." Thanks Cath I said as I hung up.

Griss just made it in time to get a battery for his phone. Just because Las Vegas is open all night, not everything is. He hurried to the restaurant to find Brass sitting at a table.

"Hi Jim" he said a little out of breath.

Hey what's the rush? We got time. Jim said

"I just barely made it to the cell phone place to get a new battery. I though everything was open here in town." Saying as he sat down.

"I just thought we could talk here". Brass said with a hint of exaggeration

"Oh, about what?" He said like he was afraid something was going to be said about Sara

"Sara." Brass stated

_Shit now what_ "What about Sara? She's upset her boyfriend died." He prayed he would ask anything too private.

"Well I know you had to take her home from the scene. I also know you were back at the lab about an hour later. I also heard she came in and identified his body and you were looking for her afterwards. I just wanted to know what your doing?" Brass asked

"What do you mean what am I doing. I was there to take her home and then I had to get back to the lab. She came in and left. I just thought she went home." Gil said in hope that was enough. He was wrong.

"Cut the crap! What going on in that brain of your. I know you weren't home last night or for most of the day. You also weren't at the lab." Brass said knowing that Gil couldn't get out of it.

"What, now you're keeping tabs on me Jim?" Saying hoping he can turn this around.

"Oh no buddy, don't turn this around. We are talking about you here. Info Now!

Gil shifted in his seat and tried to get the waitress to come over. He wasn't ready for this to be in the open yet, but with Brass he knew he couldn't keep it from him long.

The waitress showed up and took there orders and Gil still was being very quite. Brass was starting to get a little upset about this.

"So where were you then, last night" Saying a little too gruff.

"Well if you must know I was out at the lake." He said

"Oh yea? Well I could have swore you car was in Sara parking lot." He said making Gil realize He was in trouble.

"So you are keeping tabs on me!"

"Ok I drove by to see if you were home because you never return my call and you weren't home So I thought I would Check on Sara and Low an Behold you were there, So yea I guess you could say that. So spill it!" Jim said trying to get him to tell what was going on.

"I was out at the lake. I was thinking, I do may best think out there." He said trying to stall so he would have to spill his guts to him.

"Awe that's nice. But that doesn't explain your car in Sara parking lot and you not in it." Brass said knowing the stall tactic he was playing.

"All right, all right. I was there to um talk to Sara. She called wanting me to come over to talk." He said trying not to over talk.

"Yea and what else Gil. You and her are not the best for talking. I know you too have been dancing around each other for what now, 6 years maybe more, I told you once that you need to pull your head out of your ass and do something. Now is not the time to do that. She just lost her new boyfriend and you just can't go walking in there and try to start a life with her." He said as friend and not the detective.

Gil his head lowered his and because he knew he was right but that was too late.

Oh am I too late?... I am too late right? You went and did something and you don't know what to do about it. Am I right Gil? Brass said now not knowing what to say to him but Kick His Ass. But the friend that he was he had to help. "You know I should kick your ass for this."

"Yes I know but what do I do now? I crossed that line and we can't go back, and really I don't want to go back. She says she loves me and truth be told I've loved her forever." He said defeated.

Ok, Ok buddy we'll figure it out. You know, your going to owe me for this, don't you? Brass said glad his friend took that step.

After they ate Gil had made it to work. He took his message to his office and look at the mound of paper work. He began working on his piles of paper when Cath walked in.

"Hey Grissom, Sara called she's not feeling well tonight. So she won't be in, and for some reason she won't talk to you. What did you do now Gil, huh? She is already hurting due to her boyfriends death, did you hurt her too?" asked Catherine

"Huh, What, I didn't do anything. Ok Cath I'll take care of it." He said in hope she won't push him any more.

"Gil I am warning you, if you hurt her in any way you will have the entire night shift wanting your ass, you realize that right?" Catherine said

He shook his head and she left him there thinking. "_Now what did I do? I just have to call her but this minute I have to hand out assignments. I call her when Im done. Good thing it a light night, tonight." _

With that he pulled back his chair, and walked out of the room. He knew it was going to be another long night ahead. He just hoped he did have too much to do, so he could make it up to Sara.

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